A Better Place
by Screaming Faeries
Summary: Sirius spends most of his time alone and unwanted by his parents. As a small child, that does things to the psyche...and certain spirits arise. Warning for mild child abuse/neglect. QLFC Round 11.


**i**

* * *

Sirius cried out as his mother's palm connected with the back of his hand. An angry red mark began to spread across his skin almost immediately, and he pulled his hand to his chest, tears springing into his eyes.

"How dare you touch my things!" Walburga hissed, pointing a bony finger at him. Sirius looked at the floor. He'd only wanted to _look_ at the fancy vase that Aunt Druella had brought Walburga. He hadn't meant for it to fall off the display pedestal and smash on the wooden floor.

"I'm sorry, Mother," five-year-old Sirius murmured, his voice shaking. "I only wanted to look—"

"I don't care what you wanted," Walburga snarled. "You keep your filthy little hands away from my things. You know the rules." She marched Sirius up the stairs, along the corridor to his bedroom, and shut the door firmly behind him. He heard the sound of the lock turning, and rubbed the tears out of his eyes. "You can stay in there until you've thought about what you've done."

From somewhere further in the house, Sirius could hear his father muttering. "Really, Walburga. It's not like you didn't fix the vase in mere minutes."

"That's really not the point, Orion. He needs to learn his lesson."

oOo

Even at just five years old, Sirius wondered why his mother hated him so much. He couldn't remember a time when Walburga had shown any kind of affection to him—not like she did to Regulus. Baby Regulus was the golden boy; she fawned over him and fussed him and _adored_ him. Whenever Sirius angled for even a little bit of that affection, Walburga came down on him like a tonne of bricks.

He'd tried to ask Orion about it, but his father wasn't very helpful. While Orion was more patient than Walburga, he still didn't seem to care much for either of his children.

"Sirius, I'm busy. Go bother your mother." That was the only reply Sirius ever got whenever he tapped on the door of Orion's study.

He didn't understand. Maybe he'd never understand. All Sirius wanted was attention from his parents, but they just didn't want to give it to him.

oOo

It was the third day of Sirius being locked in his bedroom when he got a visitor.

He was so alone, bored, and hungry. Walburga never came to give him food or let him out to go to toilet, so it was up to Orion to sneak him out a handful of times a day and bring him scraps from the table. If Walburga found out, Orion would also face her wrath.

Sirius tried to talk to his father during his few escapades to the bathroom, but Orion rarely said anything back. He was too busy, too tired, too rushed off his feet. Sirius would be locked back in his bedroom before Walburga could ever get wind that he'd been released.

He cried and cried and cried in his room. Every now and then, he'd hear Walburga carrying Regulus up the stairs, cooing to him and telling him what a lovely little boy he was. The words pained Sirius. _Why doesn't she love me like that?_

"You don't have to keep pining after her, little boy."

The voice was sweet and ethereal, and made goosebumps rise on Sirius's neck. He turned around towards the window, where a tall, pale figure was standing.

It was a man, at least, Sirius thought it was a man. He was slender-bodied, with slightly feminine facial features. His chin was pointed and his cheekbones high, and his eyes were large and blue—the bluest blue that Sirius had ever seen. The man shook his dark fringe away from his face as he advanced on Sirius.

Sirius jumped into his bed suddenly and pulled the covers up to his face. He waited a moment, then peeked over the sheets.

The man was still there, standing at the end of his bed, looking slightly bemused. "I'm not here to hurt you, Sirius."

"Who are you?" Sirius cried, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Why are you in my bedroom?"

"I'm...I'm…" The man put a finger to his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose I'm your great, great, great...give or take a few 'greats'...uncle. Or possibly a cousin. This family of ours is very complicated."

"You're...are you a ghost?"

"I'm a friend," the man smiled, and Sirius recognised the smile—it looked like his Uncle Alphard's smile. "My name is Phil."

"I don't think I have a family member called Phil," Sirius replied doubtfully.

"You do indeed," Phil continued. "And I've come to help you. I've sat in this musty old house for many long years, helping all the boys and girls like you."

"Why do I need your help?"

Phil smiled. "I think that's what you're supposed to tell me," he said. "I don't think you'd see if you didn't need me."

* * *

 **ii**

* * *

For years, Phil was a constant in Sirius's life. Walburga's wrath didn't seem quite so harsh, Orion's ignorance not as lonely. Whenever his parents upset or hurt him, or if he was locked away in his room, Phil would be there to comfort him.

He always had an answer to Sirius's questions, a shoulder for Sirius to cry on, an ear to listen to his problems. Sirius started to care less and less about what his parents thought of him.

Unfortunately, Regulus was getting to an age where he wanted to toddle around after Sirius and do whatever his older brother was doing, which meant Sirius couldn't talk to his friend as much as he'd like.

"Who are you talking to, Sirius?" his little brother curiously asked one day, peeking into Sirius's bedroom. Sirius scowled at his little brother, and Phil stepped back into the shadows. Though his pearly-white face was still visible, it didn't seem as though Regulus could see him.

 _Of course he doesn't,_ nine-year-old Sirius thought. _He doesn't need Phil's help. He already has everything._

"My friend Phil," Sirius replied nonchalantly. "Now go away, I'm busy."

"Mother says you're to let me play with you," Regulus went on. "She's going to see Aunty Druella."

Sirius groaned, and reluctantly allowed his little brother in to play. "You shouldn't hate him, Sirius," Phil said wisely, as Regulus crouched down in front of Sirius and smiled brightly. "He just wants you to love him. You remember what it's like to be ignored and hated by your family, don't you?"

Sirius suddenly felt very guilty, his heart sinking in his chest. Phil was right. It wasn't Regulus's fault that Walburga had treated Sirius so bad over the years, and coddled Regulus for so many years. Regulus was just a little kid—naive and hopeful—like Sirius had been.

He relaxed considerably, and pulled out his box of wooden soldiers from under his bed—the toys he _never_ usually allowed Regulus to play with. His little brother's face lit up. "Really?"

Sirius grinned. "Sure. Let's play."

oOo

"What did you do today, Regulus?" Walburga asked her youngest son sweetly at dinner.

"I played with Sirius's soldiers," Regulus said excitedly. "Sirius was talking to his friend Phil, but he let me come in and play."

Sirius shot a quick glare across at Regulus, then back at his mother. _"Phil?"_ she repeated, lifting a dark eyebrow.

"You can't see him," Sirius said quickly. "No one can see him. I think he's a ghost."

"Oh, I see," Walburga sneered. "You have an imaginary friend."

From behind his newspaper, Orion chuckled. "Aren't you a little old for that, Sirius? You're almost ten. You'll be going to Hogwarts soon."

Sirius curled his hands into fists beneath the table. "He's not imaginary!"

"Did you see him, Regulus?" Walburga asked. Regulus shook his head. "There. He's imaginary."

"He's _not_ ," Sirius insisted. "He's from our family. He looks like Uncle Alphard."

"There is no one called _Phil_ in our family, nor has there ever been!" snapped Walburga. The humour was gone from her voice. "Sirius, you are excused. Go to your room at once."

"But—"

"AT ONCE!" bellowed Walburga. Sirius jumped from his seat and scuttled across to the door, but not stopping to turn and glare at his little brother again.

When he was back up in the safety of his room, he threw himself on his bed. "Stupid Regulus," he muttered angrily. "He always ruins everything. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut? I'll be locked in here until Christmas now…"

Phil stepped out from the shadows, and sat on the end of Sirius's bed. "I told you, Sirius. You shouldn't blame your brother. He's only a child."

Sirius buried his face in his pillow. "You don't know what it's like. You don't have a brother."

Phil laughed out loud. It was a high, tinkling sound, which caused Sirius to turn and stare at him. "I haven't told you much about me, Sirius. I had _two_ brothers, you know. And two sisters."

"You...you did?"

Phil nodded. "I did. I had a little brother too; called Eddie. I didn't like him much when we were younger either, but then he disappeared. Our mother said he did something very bad, and we believed her. But when I was older I met him again, and knew it was a lie. I was alone and homeless, and my little brother took me into his home and looked after me." He paused, and reached out to place a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "You should be kinder to Regulus. You don't know when you might lose him."

"Did you lose Eddie?" Sirius asked.

"Not after I found him again," Phil said with a smile. "But I lost other siblings. And I mourn the time I lost with them, especially as I spent so much time in my childhood hating them."

Sirius nodded, and looked at his hands. "I'll do better," he replied. "I'll be a better brother."

* * *

 **iii**

* * *

Phil smiled across the dining room at Sirius as his Hogwarts letter fell into his lap on the day of his eleventh birthday. Walburga and Orion barely showed interest as he excitedly ripped into the envelope and hungrily read the cursive font, detailing what he would need to start the school year.

"I'm so proud of you," Phil said softly, unheard by the rest of the family. "You're going to do great."

When Sirius was back in his bedroom, he was able to hug Phil tightly. "I'm so excited!"

"You have every right to be," Phil replied. "Hogwarts is a wonderful place, and you will be an excellent student."

"Mother and Father expect me to be in Slytherin," Sirius said, suddenly feeling doubtful. "I thought I wanted to be in Slytherin, before. But now I don't think I do."

"Then you won't be," Phil said. "The Sorting Hat will know where you belong."

"But Mother will be so angry."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Sirius looked up at Phil thoughtfully for a few moments. "I don't care."

Phil grinned. "Then, I think my work here is done."

oOo

A little while before Sirius was due to head off to Hogwarts, Uncle Alphard took him to Diagon Alley to buy his school things.

Sirius always liked his Uncle Alphard. He was kind, like Phil, and seemed to actually care about Sirius. He didn't get angry when Sirius asked him questions, or shoo him out of the way if Sirius was bothering him.

Alphard took Sirius for ice cream after they had finished shopping, and as Sirius looked into Alphard's smiling face, he thought about Phil. He hadn't seen his friend for weeks—ever since Sirius had received his Hogwarts letter.

"Are you okay, son?" Alphard asked, seeing that Sirius was deep in thought. Sirius liked it when Alphard called him 'son'. It made him actually feel like he had family.

"Do we have an ancestor called Phil?" he asked suddenly, and felt immediately stupid for asking.

Alphard didn't chastise him, though. His eyes crinkled thoughtfully. "Phil...Phil…" he murmured. "No one was _born_ Phil, but it does sound familiar."

"Mother said we don't," Sirius said. "I asked her a couple of years ago."

"Ah, yes. My lovely sister does like to think she knows all about our heritage, as she spends so much time in that tapestry room at Grimmauld Place," Alphard chuckled. "But she doesn't know _all_ the stories—especially not the ones our ancestors would prefer to keep hidden. Why do you ask me this?"

Sirius hesitated before replying, remembering how his parents had laughed at him and called Phil an imaginary friend. But he knew he could trust his uncle. "I've seen Phil since I was little," he continued. "He's a ghost. Mother and Father said he was an imaginary friend, but I _know_ he's not. He said he was from our family. He said...he said…" Sirius strained to remember something, anything that Phil had told him. "He said he had two brothers and two sisters. One of his brothers was called Eddie, and their mother said that Eddie did something bad, but it was a lie."

Something sparked in Alphard's eye. "What did Phil look like?"

Phil's angled face and slender features crossed through Sirius's mind. "He...he was...pretty," he said finally. "Like a girl."

"I knew I'd heard the name somewhere," Alphard said, banging his fist lightly on the table triumphantly. "I have a lot of old family journals, and I've read them all. The ones from the early eighteen-hundreds are the most interesting…"

Sirius sat up a little straighter, his curiosity peaked.

"If I'm right about Phil, then his name wasn't Phil at all. It was Phoebe."

"Phoebe?" Sirius repeated, looking dumbfounded. "But that's a girl's name."

Alphard nodded. "Yes. Phoebe _was_ a girl, one of five siblings. But when she got to her teens, she knew that something was wrong within her. Deep down, she knew she wasn't a girl at all—she was a boy. So when she was old enough, she started to dress like one, and eventually cut her hair. When she ran away from home, she started going by a new name: Philip."

"Philip…" Sirius whispered. It suddenly seemed to make so much sense; the girlish features, the high-pitched voice.

"The brother, Eddie…" Alphard continued to look thoughtful. "Eduardus Limette was Phil's younger brother. He was disowned and burned off the tapestry for murdering their younger sibling, Alexia Walkin. There isn't much detail on why such a crime would be committed, but if Eduardus's journals are to be believed, it wasn't him who murdered Alexia at all—it was their mother."

"And Phil went to live with Eddie," Sirius went on. "After he ran away. He said his younger brother looked after him."

Alphard smiled. "There you go," he said. "Your ghost mystery is solved."

"But he's gone now," Sirius continued sadly. "I miss him so much."

"Well, by the sounds of it, Phil was helping you. And now that you don't need help anymore...well, he's probably moved on."

"So he's in a better place?" Sirius perked up slightly. "I don't think he liked Grimmauld Place. He said it was musty."

Alphard nodded. "Yes, I would say he is."

Sirius leaned back in his chair and grinned. Although he would miss Phil desperately, he was finally happy. His friend was in a better place.

* * *

 **Written For:**

\- QLFC Round #11: The Orphanage

\- Assignment #6/Psychology Task #9: Write about the effects on someone who wasn't shown love as a child.

\- Seasonal/Days of the Year: World Kindness Day - Write about someone being kind.

\- Seasonal/Autumn Prompts: (word) Goosebumps

\- Seasonal/Flowers: Goldenrod - (phrase) Golden boy/girl

\- Writing Club/Character Appreciation: (setting) 12 Grimmauld Place

\- Gris-Gris Station: (character) Sirius Black

\- Halloween Events/Guess the Name - Werewolf Teddy: Ruby - Sirius Black

 **Word Count:** 2,550


End file.
